The past few days have been physically and emotionally tiring for me. I have planned to be on day shift this week but due to circumstances beyond my control - i.e, one of my officemates resigning and one on AWOL/Resign, I am and will be forever on night shift until the team stabilizes again. I am back on answering calls, requests, emails, coordinating issues plus doing my supervisorial tasks which all in all are draining me physically. Then yesterday, I felt that my world, well office / work world, fell tumbling down. Another one of my officemates is resigning by the end of this month. I wanted to cry but can't; I need to be strong for the rest of my team. I feel that I am at my wits end about work. But maybe I just have to go through this.
I am physically and emotionally tired but spiritually filled. I feel God's hand on the things unfolding around me. I hear him talking to me through the scriptures, the Sunday sermon at UP CRL, and on what's happening with work and with friends. As I have prayed during my prayer and fast two weeks ago, my main points are God's best, to be financially debt-free, and to be able to lead the team with patience, understanding and wisdom... and all these three main points are happening to me.
Financially, and through my own decision, I am at my lowest. I decided to buy something that makes me happy but I need to not spend when I am out. One week night, the Lord blessed me in the form of sending a former officemate to visit Eastwood; he bought me a McDo meal. That meal was my breakfast - free breakfast!
I can't rationally or logically reconcile being tired with my spiritual state. I am just struggling on how to understand all these things. God also said, through the Bible verses I read this week that I have to be "the salt and light of the earth" and that it's not about money, it's about offering my time, treasures and talents to HIM.I know that God wants me to do something - that something is to share His word to others. Yes, I am a Christian. But human as I am, I am struggling with what God wants me to do. I realized during my Dgroup meeting last Feb. 8th, that all I needed to do was obey HIM. I am struggling because I am afraid of sharing His word to my officemates and to my friends.
This week, I coped with the feeling of losing the 2 of my best officemates. I also realized that I have to go through this stage to train me on how to react and act on situations like this. I know that I cannot keep them forever with me in our current company; they have to find better opportunities for themselves ... and I know that the others will follow, sooner or later.
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If there are some time inconsistencies, this post was first written on Feb. 1st and continued on Feb 12th.
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